But something about that feels weird, you know? I’m not entirely convinced about it. It was kind of dreadful, I mean it was exactly that, it was a sinking feeling. And it felt like I couldn’t make it much further than my own feet if I kept sinking. Because I guess my feet aren’t really connected to anything, I’m not a tree you know. I felt like maybe I was just this small blob rattling inside a body and there was a desperate need to climb back up, to claw my way back into the eyes and press myself against that most uncluttered display space and make contact with anybody else because I started to feel dark and removed and my mom looked fuzzy and my aunt could just as well have not existed anymore and I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to talk to them again if I was all the way down to my feet but then I realized it wouldn’t really matter. I couldn’t really get in touch with anybody. I mean – touch, would that have done anything? Have you ever really felt anything Jess? What does it feel like to touch someone. Like really focus on your fingers and your sensations and touch me and tell me it doesn’t feel like some empty experience. It's so shallow! Touch me and then touch this rug and touch this table and touch enough things and does it make any difference? Is it all just a measure of pressure or something or I don’t know Jess I don’t know what touch is but doesn’t it just make you feel perfectly alone in the world to realize that it - this - we are all just measures of pressure? So I guess my problem that I’m trying to solve Jess is how do I touch someone? How can I bring myself to feel that there is something going on outside of my little putty cage? How do I make it so the experience of others isn’t just a reduction to pressure or temperature or I don’t know that doesn’t feel like enough! Feeling doesn’t actually feel like anything. It’s so far away from the putty and I don’t know what to do. Ever since Mr. Shaw taught us about atoms and how they like what was it repel each other? Even at the most microscopic level we are never ever actually touching anything, just getting really, really close and letting our minds fill in the gap but tell me that isn’t entirely fucking insane Jess that we aren’t touching but we are feeling like touching it is just entirely so shallow and it makes me want to cry and I just don’t know what to do about it and I am so thirsty how do we fix this Jess will you touch me.